Priorities and perspective are a funny
thing. They shape and skew are thoughts and experiences. Although I
idolize the actions and philosophies of Arnold Schwarzenegger, a man
who has conquered multiple disciplines and has resided on multiple
mountaintops looking down on those who have fallen short. Hell,
somebody, I looked up to, but in these moments: I stand, here: drunk,
stoned, and blissful in the moments of a life well lived.
I can say with absolute certainty with
a shit-eating grin on my face that success comes in many flavors.
It's really the absurd, stupid, and frankly meaningless moments that
bring me contentness and a feeling of satisfaction. Although I
strive for a perfect body, a successful blog, and some sort of
“perfectly satisfying job” those all fall short of the shared
experiences with those I hold close. A culinary abomination will
always be greater than a 700 pound deadlift. The praise and
accolades will never equal something that can be shared. Despite my
talk, I'll never be able to feed off the jealousy and admiration of
others, I wish to share, I can't enjoy a purely selfish gesture. I
guess Kindergarten won out, I just like to share too goddamn much,
and that's the game breaker. That's what fucked everything up.
Despite my hoo'ing, haw'ing, and posturing I don't want to hold the
glory in only my hands. I am a part of a team. In the big
metaphysical sense as a human being, as the small community sense as
part of “Team Fuck Moderation,” it's only in the shared
experiences do I feel truly satisfied.
This truth. The true north that I can
find direction in will bring me home. I know that when I do
something I want to do it together. I may want to prove a
motherfucker wrong, but more so I want to share in the victories and
unfortunately the defeats with those I call close.
It will take a change in attitude, I
can't let my self be ashamed, I have to be unapologeticly myself.
There is no more excuses, no more sheepish looks, no more social
anxiety bullshit. I love things in an absolute and feverish way,
crossing over the border of obsession, but that isn't a negative,
that is the price of passion,.
No more discrediting. Excuses. Or
other haphazard bullshit. I love a great many things, and that's
what makes me, well, me. No more apologies, retreating isn't an
option, it's a time for passion and giving the finger to those who
would criticize your methods and values.
Life is what you make it. Make it the
best on your terms and values.
I'm done with the what ifs, should-of's, and if-only's. The naysayers, dissenters, and trolls can
pucker up and kiss my ass.
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